Locally Sourced, Distantly Grown: After Melanie

After realizing we were back at the beginning, so to speak, we really felt deflated. We had begun sharing a little bit more widely with circles of friends which of course meant that, as friends do, when they'd ask how everything was going, we'd have to relive the frustration and disappointment. That's one of the things we've wrestled with throughout, ever since Rachel's diagnosis and treatment. We certainly didn't want to go through it alone, but we also didn't want to broadcast to the world every minute detail. It's kind of a balance that I guess everyone going through a difficult time has to discern.

We contacted Tina, our case manager at the surrogacy agency to let her know what Main Line had advised and began waiting, again, for another carrier. The wait was not long and by September of 2015, Tina had a new potential gestational carrier for us. In October, we agreed to move forward together as a match. While Main Line Fertility reviewed her medical history, our potential carrier was started on birth control. We emailed a few times over the next month but by Thanksgiving things went silent. No communication to us, to the fertility clinic, to our case manager. We went a month with no communication and finally canceled the clinic day until we heard back. We eventually received a letter from her doctor stating that she had a bad reaction to the birth control and no longer wished to continue in the process. We never heard from her again and went back to the Surrogacy Experience to begin waiting for a third time.

In February of 2016 we were matched with our third gestational carrier. We started emailing and texting back and forth and scheduled the clinic day for May. It actually worked out for us to be at this clinic date so we picked her and a friend up at the airport and drove them to the clinic day appointment the next day. At the appointments on the clinic day at Main Line, the doctors shared that they wanted to treat her with some antibiotics before proceeding with the fertility meds. In July, after no response to two rounds of antibiotics, Main Line advised that we not proceed. We were all very disappointed, to say the least. Jon and I started thinking through what we wanted to do. This had been such a heartbreaking & emotional journey so far that we weren't sure if we wanted to put ourselves through it again.

Shortly after things ended with this carrier, we had a phone conference with Tina who had spoken with her supervisor about our unusual situation and they agreed to not have us go to the end of the wait list, which technically could have been the case according to the contract. Instead, we would only need to wait behind those who were already in the process of being matched. So we agreed to continue with them and began waiting a 4th time. We are so grateful for Tina and the Surrogacy Agency, who have been very flexible. Like we said earlier, this is a very contractual and legal process, but also extremely relational. The folks at The Surrogacy Experience have maintained that balance admirably.

Also, it should be noted that while reading all of this may make you empathize with us, we also realize that there was also a loss for these potential carriers who were not able to continue. These are amazing women who are willing to give such a precious gift. The fact that it didn't work out for us three times is no one's fault.

One high note during this time was that we moved from our condo and bought a house with a yard and room for our future children in July 2015. This was a welcome distraction and kept our minds occupied. We also had been living with Jon's parents for a few weeks between the settlements of our old place and new place (hence the very packed storage unit shown below). It was also a blessing to be in a loving, healing environment during that time.

We promise we will catch up to the present soon so stay tuned for future posts!

Our new home